This is not an easy topic to explore. And I am willing to reveal, I come from a toxic family. Because that is true, it is also true I am a toxic person.
On one level, I feel devastated about this truth. When I feel into this reality, a deep sensation arises with such vigor in my throat. I feel my body longing for a verbal explosion.
I am reliving the trauma of my toxic family trait.
I shame, condemn, accuse, and hate myself.
Vividly. Faithfully.
I am aware, now, that I am a recovering toxic parent.
On the other hand, my awareness is my leverage.
NOTICING IS THE OVERRIDE.
The reality is, many of us come from toxic families and aren’t the slightest aware. That’s ok. It’s hard to see through the web of destructive comfort that has been a way of life.
If you’ve questioned any part of your childhood experience – especially if you’re a parent – I invite you to stop to notice.
Notice the level of toxicity you may have with yourself because this will be the same level of toxicity you pass on to others whether you realize it or not.
What does toxicity look like?
Self-judgment and judgment of others, criticism, negativity, rigid behavior (says no a lot), controlling, self-centered (everything happens to them), uses alcohol or drugs to cope or does things in extreme (eat, gaming, porn, exercise, etc.) to name a few.
We have the opportunity to break the cycles or at least get it started.
Essentially, when we begin the process of breaking the cycle, we aim to evolve and become better equipped to enrich our childrens’ development and ultimately the future of their lives as opposed to repeat the trauma cycle and limit the possibilities for family connection and our own child’s relationships with others.
In September, I took a 5-week online workshop (1x as week) with Julie King, Parent Educator and “How To Talk” Trainer. She is the co-author of the book How to Talk when Kids Won’t Listen. And I have read How to Talk so Kids will Listen and How to Listen So Kids will Talk.
These workshops and books are not just for parents or for parents with little kids. The tools you learn build your skills in understanding communication with anyone.
I encourage you to try the audio sample.
And as always, I’d love to hear what you think or feel about my share.