Fear of the Dark

Over the last few years, I have been searching to fulfill my need for communion, closeness, acceptance, independence and power, play, humor, and leisure. I’ve enlisted the support of many individuals that I honor as my friends and mentors. I’ve made personal and spiritual developments and progress in the area of business; admittedly not enough progress, however, progress to the degree that I had been willing to commit. I’ve revealed aspects of my intelligence and discovered I learn faster, I am more patient, I am more giving. I am a lot more in a lot of areas of my life because I had a desire and willingness to do one thing: grow.

To the degree that I want to achieve something, I must embody willingness, commitment, and discipline with a sense of flexibility for adaptation. There is no secret. There is no five steps to success article or fifteen meditative practices that will help manifest opportunities that grow my income or a new, passionate lover, there’s no plant medicine that can enlighten me to a place of riches outside of the mind, no angels, aliens or otherworldly ancestors that will upgrade me to new heights of evolution, no stone or herb that will heal me eternally. Each avenue I choose to traverse is a recess of my mind and each pathway eventually leads to a corner, and each corner has the possibility to become a limitation of the continuous expansion of myself.

These explorations are tool sets, mind-plays, masterful and beautiful illusions that I have chosen; whether instinctually or sought out knowledge on how to integrate them into my life experience. I must acknowledge it is my life to produce a profound experience of self-actualization. I can use it to empower myself or just as easily exploit it to arrest my own development and land myself in a self-made prison. Either way, I chose. I chose to embody it, and each mind-play has a limitation when I allow myself to get comfortable avoiding fear.

How do I grow?

I must be willing to explore and navigate the unknown to stretch. I must be willing to see others as inspiration rather than avoid what I hate or fear in them. I must use fear to propel a curiosity of exploration and facilitate an openness that I can discover more of myself by discovering others. But there is a price to pay. That price is a challenge.

Can I challenge myself? Am I willing to see new aspects of myself? Why would I want to do this now? Why wouldn’t I want to do this now?

Whether I make the choice to perceive someone else newly and challenge my self-perception, is simply up to the vision I have for my future; truly the power comes in the awareness of what is happening within and accepting that it is present and that it is mine to own and no one else to project to. That is how I will grow; acceptance. To know my fear of others is my unwillingness to know myself.

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