Do You Allow Others to Change You?

Are you the kind of person that criticizes others or supports them? Do you secretly want others to fail or are you passionate about helping others succeed? Do you measure yourself through other’s activities/ lifestyles and feel guilty that you are not doing enough or do you focus on what you value and what helps you move ahead? Do you feel entitled to make judgments of others? Do you loathe yourself for having so many judgments? What kind of person are you? Are you a good or a bad person? Are you undeserving or deserve it all? Are you unwanted or wanted too much, unneeded or depended on too much, are you too important or not important enough?  Imagine a single moment, where you felt emotional stress; allow yourself to feel it deeply. Where in your body do you feel it? Our body does not lie; it provides a signal, a notification, that there’s something to discover. So, where is this emotion? Is it in your gut; does it make you feel nauseous? Is it in your chest; does your heart race faster? Is it in your throat; does it feel tight? Can you attach the sensation to a memory? What does that memory reflect for you?

Have you heard the quote “there are three fingers pointing back at you for each finger you point at anyone else”? What is it about others’ actions that bothers you? What do you think they should be doing differently? Is it for their benefit or is it to appease you? What part of you should they be satisfying? Your need for attention, love, comfort, peace, trust? Let me shine a light on what is happening here. You are playing a game that you can never win. The game is called EXPECTATIONS. If I allow expectations to thrive in my mindset, I am setting myself up for a lot of conflicts and set up others to have an unpleasant experience of me. This expectation game is one that can never be won and I want to share something of equal importance, you can’t fix the other person. You can’t fix them., you can’t change them, or force them to be different, in any way shape or form. I’d like to pose an inquiry, though, are you willing to allow the other person to change you?

Well, you might ask, “If I can’t change the other person, why should I allow them to change me?” Good inquiry! What if I told you there’s liberation, peace, joy, and unlimited love at the end of this trade? Some of us go through life thinking that our surroundings need to change to achieve happiness and that’s farthest from the truth. What we really need is to change ourselves. We don’t get what we deserve in life, we get what we inspire from our actions. One of the most significant self-supporting roles we can apply is to resource what is available. So, what is available? Observation and self-inquiry; use the other person to show you what you really want to change in yourself. While I said it’s one of the most significant self-supporting actions one can take, it is also one of the hardest. To step out of comfort is a deep challenge for many. It’s easy to focus on what we think we have to give up rather than focus on what we have to gain. One of the most challenging ideas to let go of is the idea that nothing is wrong with us.; that the other person is to blame. Where we are, what we have or don’t have is no one else’s fault but our own. It is a bitter pill to swallow, however, when we take responsibility for our lives we live with less limitation, less fear in our hearts, and our experience of life is filled with a greater awareness of what is possible, and what is possible is limitless.

I would like to end with a mini-prayer: I weave my existence by accepting what occurs in my life. I am exactly where I need to be by design. I am ready to receive daily. When I am open to receive, I am in devotional surrender to my mother, Goddess, and my father, God. I am here to transcend the cage of duality and build a bridge from one paradigm to another.

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